The Heartbreaking Weight of Loving a Country
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Dela Cruz presenting at a conference in the U.S. (Photo courtesy of Derick dela Cruz)
America gave me opportunities I never imagined—leadership roles, major engineering projects, and a career that allowed me to provide for my family and serve communities with excellence and integrity.
But even as I thrived abroad, the Philippines never left me. It stayed in my heart—in the memories of childhood streets, in the laughter of my people, in the resilience I carried everywhere I went. I promised myself that one day, I would return not just as a son coming home, but as a Filipino ready to give back.
And I did.
I returned as a Balik-Scientist, carrying decades of experience, research and leadership. I worked with government agencies, universities and local communities. I poured my energy into projects that could strengthen infrastructure, improve safety and build resilience. I believed—truly believed—that the Philippines could rise if only we invested in science, engineering and honest governance.
When I received a Presidential Award, I felt proud—not for myself, but for what it symbolized: that the Philippines still recognized excellence, still valued service, still believed in its people. I thought it was a sign that change was possible.
Dela Cruz receiving a Presidential Award from President Benigno Aquino III (Photo courtesy of Derick dela Cruz)
But over the years, I have watched my country struggle under the weight of its own system.
I have seen brilliant ideas crushed by bureaucracy. I have seen good people silenced by corruption. I have seen communities suffer because of political dysfunction. I have seen hope dim because the system protects itself more than it protects the Filipino people.
And now, I find myself wrestling with a painful truth: I am losing hope.
Not because the Filipino people are weak—they are among the strongest, most resilient people on Earth. Not because the Philippines lacks potential—it is rich in talent, resources, and spirit. Not because I no longer love my homeland—I love it more than ever.
I am losing hope because the system is destroying the country from within.
It is heartbreaking to witness a nation with so much promise held back by corruption, patronage, and dysfunction. It is painful to see families suffer while leaders argue. It is exhausting to fight for reforms when the system resists change at every turn.
I returned home believing I could help fix the cracks. But the cracks were deeper than I imagined. They were not just structural—they were systemic. They were not just political—they were cultural. They were not just temporary—they were generational.
And yet, even in my frustration, even in my exhaustion, even in my fading hope, I cannot stop loving the Philippines.
I may be losing hope—but I am not losing love. And sometimes, love is the only thing that keeps me standing.
Because love is not blind. Love sees the truth. Love confronts the pain. Love demands better.
I speak because I care. I advocate because I believe Filipinos deserve dignity. I fight because I refuse to accept that dysfunction is our destiny.
I may be losing hope—but I am not losing love. And sometimes, love is the only thing that keeps me standing.
My prayer is simple: That one day, the Philippines will become the nation its people deserve. That one day, our systems will match our potential. That one day, our leaders will honor the sacrifices of our people. That one day, hope will no longer feel like a burden, but a promise.
Roderick (Derick) dela Cruz is a former Balik-Scientist, a professional engineer in the U.S. and the Philippines, and a recipient of a Presidential Award.
